So most of you probably have no idea that I’ve been suffering from anxiety. Every since I’ve had Sammy I’ve had these “attacks”, I guess you could call them. My face starts to get tingly, my tongue does this really weird thing that’s hard to describe and I start shaking like crazy. I also lose my coordination sometimes. It got to the point where I was freaking out, and I mean like seriously freaking out that something was wrong with me. I even went into the emergency room because I thought I was having a stroke or something. After the doctor checked everything ( my blood, heart and basically everything else.) he said it was anxiety. My husband and the rest of my family was telling me the same thing. Honestly, I didn’t think that was it. Why? Because I have NO stress. I don’t feel like I’m anxious at all. I don’t realize how much I have to put in to each day to make sure my son is getting taken care of and my husband doesn’t need my help. A couple weeks later my husband dropped a book in my purse. A book that helped him through depression when he was doubting the love of God. It’s called “Stop Asking Jesus Into Your Heart.” By J.D. Greear ( I’ll put a link to it in the end.) When we started reading it it made me realize that we can’t be at peace and enjoy our salvation unless we are TRULY resting in the fact that God saved us. I’ve noticed my anxiety is mostly triggered when I start to think about God and doubt His love for us. I dont realize how much He loves us. Enough to die for us. I hardly understand why He would do that.
I’ve been reading through the gospel of Matthew. I came across this passage and just started balling my eyes out. Please take the time to read this.
Do Not Be Anxious
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[a] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
(Text taken from biblegateway.com)
I realized ( and still am realizing) how selfish and foolish I was for trying to solve all of my problems by putting them on myself. Why is it so hard for me? For anyone? God clearly tells us not to worry and trust Him! It’s so hard! I can not say that enough! I was just reading this and I couldnt even face the fact that God takes care of the simplest things like the lilies of the valley and even gives us clothes when we are so undeserving of any of these.
When I trouble with anxiety (or anyone who troubles with these) I need to go straight to God! Do I always? Of course not! But I absolutely need to! God wants to hear all of your problems. He wants you to bring everything before Him. He cares for us so much and we can’t even fathom how much He does for us on a daily basis.
So what happens when I have an attack? I admit it’s truly hard not to freak out when I have these “weird” feelings but knowing that there is a God up in heaven holding His open arms out to me, waiting for me to come running to Him is the best feeling I could ever feel. I have to tell my brain to stop, calm down, focus on God and most importantly pray. I know its much easier said then done but trust me. God will never turn you away. He wants to help and I promise you He will. I just want to encourage anyone that is struggling with this, it will get better. Never stop striving for God. Never stop running to His open arms.
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